Ruined: A Dark Romance Read online

  I spend the rest of the day confused. He comes back for lunch, and I give him the same silent treatment. I can feel his hesitation and confusion, but he doesn’t push me. He takes the empty tray and leaves me alone.

  I feel guilty, but I don’t know what I want from him. Maybe it’s not fair to keep this going if I don’t want anything to do with him. Or then again, what happens if I decide that I don’t want this anymore? If I decide that I’m not going to bow anymore?

  He keeps saying that everything is up to me, and so far that’s been more or less true. He’s pushed me just a little bit, but in the end it has been my choice to bow or to touch him. And when he comes to me, he doesn’t force anything. So far, he’s treated me with some kind of respect that I’ve been missing from everyone else since this all began.

  There’s only one way to find out. So far, our little games happen at night, and I have to assume that tonight will be no different. He left me alone during the day, but I don’t think he’s going to let me get away with ignoring him the next time he comes.

  That’s okay. I’m going to be prepared. I have to find out if he really means what he says, or if it’s just all some game that he’s playing with my mind. Maybe he really is trying to break me, and I have no clue. There’s one way to find out.

  20

  Logan

  I can tell something’s off right away. It’s pretty obvious, and I can’t help but wonder if last night caused some of it.

  There are sidelong glances in the mess hall and whispers in the corridors. I know something is up, but I can’t tell what it is. When I try to approach Anton about it, he pretends to be too busy, and asks if he can meet about it later.

  That’s a bad fucking sign. Up until today, Anton has gone out of his way to try and get close to me, and so far I’ve been pushing him back, but he’s been persistent.

  Now, things feel strange. Maybe it’s just me. Riley is also acting strange, but I can’t really blame her for that. I gave her a taste of freedom and then I tore it away. She’s probably pretty angry with me, or at least she’s upset about it.

  I can’t let Riley worry me too much right now, though. The strangeness at this compound is the immediate danger.

  After I drop off Riley’s lunch, I head out toward the guard gate at the front of the wall. There’s a guy I know, one of the younger men from the surrounding villages. He’s a nice kid named Miguel and we’ve played cards a few times since I came to this place. He’s one of the few guys I’ve really socialized with and one of the few that I hope doesn’t get killed in the coming raid.

  Miguel is leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette, his rifle slung over his shoulder. He’s supposed to be on guard duty, but I can tell he’s too busy looking at the magazine in his hands to do any real guarding.

  “Miguel,” I say as I approach. He looks up and drops the magazine then quickly bends over and picks it up.

  “Logan,” he says. “You surprised me.”

  “Sorry about it.” I smile and offer him another cigarette from a pack I carry around. To these guys, cigarettes are currency. He accepts it and puts it into his pocket, still smoking the one in his mouth.

  “How are things, my friend?” I ask him.

  He glances around and looks nervous. “Fine, fine,” he says. “Busy, you know. On duty.”

  “Sure. You look really busy.” I grin at him so he knows I’m joking.

  “What you tryin’ to say?” he asks, eyeing me aggressively. “I’m not doin’ my job?”

  I blink, a little surprised. I’ve never seen any aggression from Miguel before. He’s one of the friendliest, nicest guys in this whole fucking hellhole, and I’ve never even seen him so much as say a word to one of the girls. This aggression shouldn’t surprise me, considering his job, but it does anyway.

  “I’m not saying anything,” I reply, staring him down. “I just came out to give you a cigarette and to say hello.”

  He frowns and for a second, I see the normal Miguel, just for a second through all the machismo and the posturing, but then that disappears. “Go now,” he says. “I’m busy. I have to be on duty.”

  I watch him as he turns back toward the gate, suddenly standing straighter, eyes out on the road. I think about asking him what’s going on anyway and offering him a bribe, but I decide not to press.

  Clearly, something happened. It seems as though I’m on the outs with Anton and his crew, though I can’t be sure exactly why. I’m sure it’s a bunch of different reasons, from not training Riley the way they want all the way down to the disappearance of that guard.

  I don’t have much time left. According to my last message to command, they’re nearly ready to get started, they’re just waiting on more numbers from me.

  Unfortunately, they’re not going to get those numbers. I can’t wander around risking my cover anymore. Things are too dangerous. I’m going to have to message them with this update and recommend they make a move as soon as possible.

  It’s the only thing that makes any sense. I can’t keep fucking around, putting this off, gathering intel. I can’t keep risking Riley. She wants to be free and I want her to be free, along with all of the women at this compound.

  More than that, I’m tired of keeping secrets from her. This feeling that’s been growing inside of me is beginning to take shape and form, and I know what it can finally turn into if I let it. I got a taste of what things can be like between us if she were free, and I don’t want to go back.

  But the last thing I should do right now is break character. If anything, I need to lean into my cover. It’s going to be a few days before command can get a team together to take this place down, and I need to make sure that I remain an insider during those critical days. If I get caught and removed from this place, Riley will be in danger.

  I don’t want to imagine what they’d do to her. Probably something horrible. They’ll see that she’s not entirely broken, or really, not even close to broken, and they’ll destroy her. Beating, rapes, torture, and more. I can’t even imagine what they’ll do to her.

  I’ve gotten glimpses. From the other girls. I’ve seen the things they do, and Riley can’t go through that. Nobody should.

  Which is why I’m doing this. I’m doing it to destroy these bastards, once and for all. I just have to hold on.

  That night, I bring Riley her dinner as usual, but this time it’s different. During breakfast and lunch, she was lying on the cot facing the wall and ignoring me. But this time, she’s standing up in the corner, arms crossed, and watching me intently.

  I shut the door behind me and smirk at her. “So, you’re not ignoring me now?” I ask her.

  She nods. “I’m not.”

  “Good.” I place the tray down on her cot. “You’re more fun when you’re talking.”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t want to be fun tonight, Logan.”

  “Don’t you?” I smirk at her and sit down, crossing my legs, ankle over knee. “Why not?”

  “What do you want from me?” she asks. “Why are you doing all of this?”

  I cock my head and keep the smile on my face. “You know why, Riley.”

  “No, I don’t.” She lets her arms fall and steps toward me, her face suddenly pleading. “You tell me you don’t want to hurt me. You want to save me. You take me outside, but you bring me back into this ...this prison. I don’t understand what you’re doing.”

  I take a deep breath and slowly release it. I want to tell her the truth. Hell, she probably deserves to know, and the raid is going to be so soon.

  But I still can’t risk it. I need this to go well if I want to save her and all of these women. Things are too precarious right now, and I’m balancing on the razor’s edge. If I tell her, things will probably be okay. But if they aren’t, the results would be catastrophic.

  I won’t risk it. As much as it will make us both feel better, I can’t risk it. I can’t be selfish about this.

  “Do you know what they do to the other gir
ls here?” I ask her finally.

  She shakes her head, watching.

  “Torture. Rape. Worse.” I stare at her as I say each word. “I saw one girl get fucked by six guards yesterday. Or at least I think it was six. I didn’t stay to watch, but they were lined up and ready.”

  Her face slowly drops into a look of horror as I speak, and I hate myself for what I’m doing, but I need her to play ball. It’s just too important.

  “I saw another girl get branded. Another was cut hundreds of times until she eventually bled out. They tossed her corpse into the ocean. Another died of internal bleeding from getting fucked so many times.” I stand up and step toward her, eyes locked on hers. “You think you have it bad, Riley?”

  She shakes her head slowly, eyes wide, terror clear on her face.

  “I won’t hurt you,” I say to her. “I promised it from the start and I’m saying it again. I won’t hurt you and I won’t let them hurt you. But you have to do as I say if you want me to keep them from you.” I stand directly in front of her and for a second, I want to reach out, grab her, and kiss her as hard as I can. I want to tell her the truth so she understands why I’ve done everything.

  “Bow down to me,” I say instead.

  She blinks. “What?”

  “Get on your knees and bow to me.”

  I can practically see the wheels in her mind spinning. She’s thinking about everything I just said and is weighing it against everything she’s been stewing on all day. I know it but I can’t do anything about it.

  In the end, it doesn’t matter if she bows or not. I won’t hurt her, like I said, but I need to at least put on a show in case they’re listening. But to me, it doesn’t matter if she bows, and part of me doesn’t really want her to.

  Which is why I smile when she shakes her head, face full of fear.

  “No,” she says. “I won’t do it.”

  “Bow to me, Riley.”

  “No.” She steps back away from me. “What are you going to do? I won’t bow to you.”

  I stand there staring at her and slowly a smile spreads across my face. I don’t know why but I feel happy for the first time in a long time.

  “I won’t do a thing,” I say softly. “I told you that I’d never hurt you.” I turn and leave her cell without another word.

  I can’t help but smile as I head back to my own room. In that moment back there, Riley stood up for herself and I could see a real confidence in her expression. Sure, she was terrified, but she’d be crazy not to be afraid. She still did what she felt was right, and in this instance it meant standing up to me.

  I’m proud of her. Maybe that’s a strange thing to feel, but I can’t help it. She’s stronger than she realizes.

  Now I just have to hope that Anton didn’t witness that little spectacle, or if he did, that I still have enough time to get this raid started.

  Just to be careful, though, I’ll check on her again later tonight. I’ll make it seem like I’m trying to deprive her of sleep, but really I just need to make sure she’s safe.

  21

  Riley

  That night, I can’t sleep.

  After Logan leaves, I’m filled with adrenaline. I can’t believe I refused him and stood up to him like that, and he didn’t do anything in return. Maybe he’ll try and withhold comforts or food again, but I’m not so sure. He didn’t seem upset about it at all.

  In fact, he smiled. As soon as I refused him the second time, he got this big smile on his face before leaving the room, like he was excited or something. It was such a strange look and I don’t know how to feel about it.

  He looked happy that I was denying him. I expected him to be very angry that we were taking a step back, but he clearly didn’t seem to mind at all.

  I don’t know what the hell to think. As I eat dinner and reflect, I keep seeing his face in my mind. By the time I’m done eating, I’m not hyped up with adrenaline anymore, and I climb into bed.

  I’m not sure how much time passes. Time doesn’t mean much to me anymore. But the moon moves through the sky as I think about what happened and what’s going to happen.

  I keep thinking about that night in the cave. I just keep coming back to him. It was just last night, but it feels like a hundred days ago already. He took my body that night because I willingly gave it to him, and he made me feel something that I never expected.

  Afterward, he was tender. I felt like we were a normal couple, or at least as normal as we possibly could be. He didn’t have to hold me the way that he did, but it felt genuine. It felt like the most real moment we’ve had together.

  I can’t help but feel a rush of excitement flood through me as I relive that night over and over. He’s a dirty man, a strong man, the kind of man that can make me feel alive despite my horrible circumstances. I realize with a sudden jolt of clarity that if it weren’t for Logan, I’d be dead.

  I wouldn’t have survived this. The things he described that other girls going through would have easily killed me. Maybe I’m a little stronger than I give myself credit for, but I know I’m not that strong. I would have been destroyed if it weren’t for him.

  Instead, he gave me pleasure. So much pleasure. He touched my pussy, my breasts, my nipples, and filled me with his thick cock.

  Biting my lip, I reach down my panties and find my soaking pussy. It almost surprises me, that I’m touching myself, but I can’t help it. I’m wide awake and obsessing about his body. I need something to help me get to sleep.

  I sink two fingers deep inside of my pussy and stifle a moan. I can’t be too loud because I’m not sure who’s outside listening. I don’t know why I care about that all of a sudden, but I do. I begin to slide my fingers in and out of myself and I have to shove a blanket in my mouth to stay quiet.

  I can’t help but think about the way he lifted me off my feet so effortlessly and fucked me up against that cave wall. I was like a little plaything to him, there to be used however he saw fit. That thought drives me wild as I keep fucking myself with my fingers, moaning against the blanket.

  All of the tension, excitement, and uncertainty from the last few days builds inside of me, and I feel like I’m going to burst. I can’t help myself. I need a little release, especially right now, during this moment.

  Just as I clench down, preparing to come, I hear something. It’s soft at first, but it makes me stop what I’m doing and listen.

  Someone is outside of my door. I hear a key turn in the latch and slowly it swings open.

  I stare, wide-eyed with terror and excitement, the thrill mixing with the fear. I don’t know who’d be coming in this late at night, and I’m afraid to find out.

  Logan steps into the room. I stare at him and he stares back, a small smile on his face, and instantly he knows what I’m doing. He softly shuts the door behind him.

  “I came to check on you,” he says quietly.

  “You never come this late.”

  “Apparently you do.”

  I look away from him. “It’s not what you think.”

  “Yes, it is.” He walks over and stands above me, smiling. “You’re touching yourself under there, aren’t you?”

  I don’t deny it. “I’m okay. You checked.”

  “Please, my pet. You think I’m just going to walk away and let you finish all alone?”

  I feel the thrill run back through me. “Logan,” I say.

  He pulls the blanket off me. My hand is still down my panties, though my fingers aren’t inside of me. He lets out a soft groan as he sees my hand against my pussy and I can’t help but watch him, fascinated, excited, needy.

  He drops down at the side of the cot and grabs my hips. I don’t resist him as he pulls me toward him, turning me around. I prop myself up against the wall as he moves my hand and yanks my panties off.

  His mouth feels so much better than I could have imagined as he goes down on me. His tongue instantly moves inside of my pussy then rolls back up to my clit, sucking and working. His lips and teeth feel so
good as they suck and nibble at my clit. He pressed two fingers inside of me as he continues eating my clit and it’s magic, pure fucking magic as it courses through my veins.

  I shouldn’t want this. I’m supposed to be confused. But as soon as he stepped into the room, I knew what it meant. I was so afraid that it would be a guard and the relief and joy that I felt when I realized that it was Logan has to mean something.

  I know he won’t hurt me, that’s what it means. He didn’t force me to bow down like I was afraid he might. He even came back to check up on me in the middle of the night, which is unusual. It makes me wonder what’s going on, but I can’t get into that right this moment.

  The only thing I know is that he makes me feel good. He makes me feel better than just good, he makes everything seem okay in ways I can’t really imagine. It’s so strange and intense and exciting, and I don’t want it to stop.

  In fact, I want more. I want freedom, but I want Logan, too. I can’t decide which one I want more, which is really frightening.

  I grab his hair and pull his head up toward me. I kiss him hard, not holding back anymore. I moan into his kiss as his fingers slide back inside of me, fucking me with his thick, rough hands.

  I move forward and grab his belt, pulling it off. He helps get his pants down and off and soon enough I’m sitting on the edge of the cot, stroking Logan’s hard cock as he looks down at me.

  I take him between my lips and start sucking with a mad feverish desire that I didn’t know I had inside of me. He groans and is speechless for the first time, which only makes me work him more. I love the taste of his thick cock between my lips and I love trying to get as much of him into my mouth. I let him slide down into my throat and I groan as he gags me, but I don’t slow down, I don’t stop. It doesn’t matter if I choke, I need this.

  He pulls me back and kisses me. We don’t seem to need to talk tonight as I stand and push him back across the room. He turns and pins me against the wall, raising my hands above my head. Slowly, he undresses me, removes my top and my bottoms, leaving me standing there naked before putting my hands over my head again. He holds them against the wall with one hand while he teases my pussy with the other.